Tuesday, February 16, 2010

just to get by.

So you know how sometimes you do things you know you shouldn't. Like sleep in til 12. Skip class, or even drop out of school. Spend all your money on clothes and entertainment. Lay around the house all day. Or type in "The Jersey Shore" on Hulu. That was my worst mistake this morning. I feel all slutty just watching it. But sometimes you do things like that because you need a relief. It's like you have no idea what's going to happen with your life, and you are so scared that it will be nothing. You wake up in the morning and 2 seconds later you groan because you remember about the things you didn't have to think about while you were sleeping. Those things that creep into your mind too often and leave your stomach feeling sour. Life isn't terrible. Life is actually really great. But sometimes I don't understand the confusion I have to keep going through. A week ago, I thought I was a girl that had a bright future in the near. I thought I knew a lot of things. Now, I know less and less as time goes on. I feel held back by so many things that I have absolute no control over. What does it matter if you are ready to be free? If you have the desire to just do what you want, when you want to do it. Sometimes people need you. They need you more than you need to be free. So that's what I'm here to do. I am more than happy to be the type of friend that is there no matter what. I just can't help but wonder. When will I have my chance to forget all this hard stuff that weighs you down. And go be happy and fly. So to get by right now, sometimes I cave in, and do stupid things, like watch the Jersey Shore and buy basically the same sweater twice. I need some sort of something to make me forget all my stress, if even for a moment.

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