Tuesday, July 27, 2010

is that a black sky?

Nah, I'm not dreaming. It's obvious because it's hot, the colors around me are dull and I can't see because it's bright, my hair is wet from my shower last night, I have unread texts in my inbox from a certain person who won't just leave me alone, and even though they get weirder every time I know it's real because they are always weird. (His texts) I have been trying to set some goals. Ummm please, excuse me, not big ones. Just small daily goals that will help me to be a more structured entity. It's as easy as writing in my blog everyday, reading everyday, and running everyday. It seems reaaaaaal easy but it's very hard for me to get everything done among all of....hanging out. And feeling overwhelmingly tired. So why am I up at 4 in the morning doing this? It's because I woke up from a heated, unsettling sleep. And It's now Tuesday, which means I can jump start my routine. I don't even have to worry about this once I wake up for the second time (duh! I'm going back to bed)
here's how I feel about right now... or this general span of time in my life

A classic crazy clown came all up in my face juggling a whole variety of objects. Crayons, batteries, light bulbs, soap, grilled cheese sandwiches, seahorses, shark teeth, bamboo, lizards, liars, cacti, eyeballs, roses, cassette tapes, room keys, strawberry shakes. You're confused at this point in the story. So am I. Did I mention he was on a unicycle with a flat wheel? So I don't even know how all of these things were able to filter through his hand eye coordination and remain intact and in the air. I was absolutely sure everything was going to fall apart and splatter upon my self, possibly causing severe injury. But one by one they fell and did not hit the ground. The crayons fell with the grilled cheese into a small diner with kids menus that you can color. Batteries landed in a new camera bag. Light bulbs lit up street lamps which lit up streets which lit up me. Soap slid onto the floor of the shower of this bathroom decorated with seahorse wallpaper in an ocean front hotel room I was staying at.... just washing off from a day at the beach. My room key in the pocket of my pants with roses embroidered on the back pockets. Strawberry shake went out to a customer at the Deli, which in return provided a five dollar tip. The tipper had on a shark tooth necklace. My brother brought a lizard home and let me hold it, he keeps them as pets now because he is cool like that. I held the lizard and talked with my brother and our relationship grew. The eyeballs were now in my head and I saw this cacti in the desert being rained and rained upon until the dirt all around it turned to mud, and the clown was in that desert, hassling me. He suddenly sunk down into that mud. He tried to climb his way out, but the sun came up and the dirt dried over and now he is stuck there forever. Not to be taunted, but forgotten. So I walked over his head and behind him, in front of me, was a beautifully tossed life salad, which went at once from a bunch of raw ingredients to a collaboration of refreshing delight inviting me to take a nice sample or a big bite, whichever I feel brave enough to do. I now only wonder where the lie landed, and the bamboo. I'd like some bamboo in my life. The cassette tape plays this song:

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