Sunday, August 1, 2010

rear view mirage

When I look back at past memories and apply them to today it is so easy for me to smile. For example this one night in February when I went to Sarah's house to watch a movie. It was a Wednesday night, and I would know that because missionaries leave on Wednesdays, and that was the day he left. For some odd reason, I thought the next two years were going to be very long and lonely. Having just said goodbye to a really great friend. I remember sitting there on Sarah's couch basically just feeling sad. And then a bunch of others showed up and we watched This Is It. And after the movie there was this one girl who started telling all of us all about this boy. Who apparently was pretty neat. I didn't even care. I was just singing some Micheal Jackson songs to myself and not paying any attention. Now I wish I would have paid more attention. Because I was incredibly clueless to the fact that she was talking about someone I would futuristically become fond of. And that other kid whose jacket I was wearing wouldn't be worth another anything.
There is also that one time, or the few times....long ago now.... when me and him would take Sunday afternoon drives over Suncrest to look at the Draper temple and walk around it. I remember one time when we went I had painted nails and he made up some sort of song about them. I thought those were really good times...that is until I made my way up there a bit later and realized that it is a huge improvement to go do that at night, and not in my car but on the back of a bike. With the neat kid. (having majorly chipped polish on my nails.) What a progressive improvement it proved to be.
I'm just glad my life is where it's at right now. It's so easy to drop off my memories for good. Not just leave them at daycare or at a party, but to wave goodbye for ever! And let go of what had me for so long, had me but never sent me. I don't want to ever have to say in the back of my mind "this doesn't send me" anymore.
It is very important to me, as I leave a whole realm of things behind that my self was before focused find things that send me. Obviously, all previous offers I was offering myself never sent me because I am still here, re-evaluating everything....looking for a different route.
I'll never change. It's not about me changing. It's about finding a life that looks great on me and still feels comfortable.
(hopefully I find some bright colors and cool patterns!)
know of any good sales?

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