Monday, August 23, 2010

STOP: and smell the flowers.

Bless today as a really good day. Note no particular reason.... Just contentful happiness. Just a good run, a pedicure, some deep house cleaning, a new album by one of my fav bands (annuals), subway points, and my favorite part so far: getting out my old notebook!!

It says STOP and smell the flowers on it. And inside is tons and tons of notes from my studying. When I was effortfully preparing for a mission I bought this cute notebook to write down all my thoughts as I studied each day. It actually became somewhat of a sanctuary, my study time. Which is off tune for me. But I was able to sit there and study for almost two hours and the time would escape me and not be an issue. I am actually very fond of those days. I am very fond of this notebook. It contains so much personal understanding and realization. Now I am nowhere near being able to study for that long. I have to force myself to read, and even then it's like, so difficult. But today right before I was about to start reading, I saw my special thoughts notebook that hasn't been touched since I dropped the idea of going on a mission. It's not that I haven't seen it every day in my room. It's not that I forgot about it. Of course not. I kind of just felt unworthy to use it. Having this irrational guilt that I struggled with after choosing not to serve a mission. Like a fear that if I opened the notebook again all of my innocent words of excitement and wonder would mean nothing now that I don't have the same goal. BUT- I do still have the same goal. It's always about learning, and diligence and humility. It's always about strengthening my knowledge, whether I'm going to be a missionary or an ordinary person, I want to know all that I can know. I want to be better no matter where I am standin'
So I took it out and used it again today, and it was lovely. I can't believe that I let it sit there for so long just because I had a change of plans. But maybe that break in time means a lot. The lengthened gap between dates of entries. It means a whole lot. It showed me how much I miss those times spent studying. How they helped me. And how they still can. And how now I am just how I was when I started the notebook. Clueless as to what is ahead of me. But so excited and ready. It's another start.

Anyway, how could I fail to notice that these lyrics are so good and that I love them?

Fox In The Snow by Belle & Sebastian

Fox in the snow, where do you go
To find something you could eat?
Cause the word out on the street is you are starving
Don't let yourself grow hungry now
Don't let yourself grow cold
Fox in the snow

Girl in the snow, where do you go
To find someone who will do?
To tell someone all the truth before it kills you
They listen to your crazy laugh
Before you hang a right
And disappear from sight
What do they know anyway?
You'll read it in a book
What do they know anyway?
You'll read it in a book tonight

Boy on the bike, what are you like
As you cycle round the town?
You're going up, you're going down
You're going nowhere
It's not as if they're paying you
It's not as if it's fun
At least not anymore
When your legs are black and blue
It's time to take a break
When your legs are black and blue
It's time to take a holiday

Kid in the snow, way to go
It only happens once a year
It only happens once a lifetime
Make the most of it
Second just to being born
Second to dying too
What else would you do?

Fox in the snow

Belle & Sebastian is a very nice band. Well done music highly enjoyed by me. They are host to one of my favorite songs "Dress Up In You" and other brilliant songs like "Sukie in the Graveyard" and "Your Cover's Blown"......and really, honestly, so much more.

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