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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Love is a big deal.


I laugh at how I used to be like, nervous to post about things like, Kaleb. I really would be all working up a sweat about it, wanting to mention things but not. Because I just didn't know if.... I'm so weird. But at least I can tell that I am making progress, because now I don't feel shy to talk about him. Even though I know he reads this. Hey Kaleb. So anyway this isn't solely meant to be about Kaleb, but you know he comes with the subject, there ain't a lot I can do about that. I read something somewhere I can't remember where, that said "Love is a big deal." And I really liked that. Because I am kind of just going about my life as any other person would. And people pass me by and see me like: she's just doin her thing like the rest of us. Because I am. But nobody knows and I venture to say cares what goes on inside of me. How I feel so much for someone else and it makes every part of what I'm doing more meaningful. People can ask me how I am doing, and to be appropriate, all I can say is "I am doing great! Life is wonderful!" But it would be weird to tell random people or even people that I know.... "You know, I'm doin real well. It's like I don't mind lifting heavy stuff at work as much, or cleaning a terrible mess, or getting stuck in traffic, because I love someone. It's like I owe it to them to lift heavy stuff irrelevant to anything, because I want to be the best for them always. Isn't that cool that it helps me lift heavy things?? And this person I love really believes in me, and helps me to believe in myself, and I can't stop thinking about them, I can't wait to see them." Whoever I was talking to would be so annoyed. They would probably be thinking: do I really care? But the thing is, it's like constantly coursing through me. This entity of love. And nobody notices. Maybe they could see a sparkle in my eye, but they wouldn't know what it was. They couldn't exactly capture the significance of that. I'm quite sure some of my friends are totally disgusted with my love. They don't even want to hear about it. People all around me just don't know how great I feel, and how happy I am not just to feel the love but to know someone that is spectacular enough to share it with me. And they just don't even realize that it is currently the strongest part of me. It's a big deal. And it manifests itself all the time, only silent and conspicuous. And I know this is explicitly inconcealed, which makes me feel only slightly over exposed. But it's alright because obviously a lot of the time I feel under exposed to the people around.

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