So we are in the process of looking for a house. Been in this process for over a year. Suddenly, my dream house since forever is for sale for a very attractive price...and I feel like all I can do is sit here and watch it get sold. Currently we are hardly fit to purchase a house, but there is a chance.
It's too good to be true, isn't it?
Too good to be true. How many times do how many people say this every single day? All of us in this fragile, hopeful, cruel place, we think really good things are just too good. Like that person you were in love with in elementary school; when they found out they ran as fast as they could across the playground, and scowled at you from the other side.
We work hard and do our best, but it never seems honorable enough to be rewarded by a wish. And so when a wish presents itself in front of us, it's just a silly ghost. A simple mirage, but never, ever, heaven forbid, something that would shake our hand or give us drink. It just smiles and looks beautiful right there. We smile back, but feel much too shy to say hello. It's like laying in the sun watching a pretty blue sky, and all of it's clouds. We see the perfect picture, and before we can point it out to our friend it has shifted shape and is beginning to dissapate. That wish, that silly ghost, will just blow a kiss at you and run across the playground.
We work for what we want.
We work harder than we want to for things we sort of want, but mostly need. The things we really want we can never quite work hard enough for. So is it hard work we need, or is it something else? A new flavor of faith perhaps, or looser laced shoes.
I had a crush on this boy in elementary school. I had a crush on him in high school. Every time I thought of him I still had a crush on him. The problem was, I never got to talk to him much. I didn't even know if he recognized me fully. I always thought in my mind that one day I would kiss him. I thought that was a joke. A silly ghost of a kiss that only came alive in my head. High school ended, I got a boyfriend, and moved on.
Eventually that boyfriend and I broke up, and what happened the very next day? I found myself with the boy from elementary school, at the elementary school playground, and I told him that he could be a movie star if he wanted to because he was just so genuinely cool. Then he kissed me.
That was too good to be true, wasn't it? BUT IT WAS TRUE.
I am left to think that the house I have had a crush on since I can remember...the one I said I will live in someday...
I just might live in someday.
And that plane you said you would catch one day, and that photo you said you would snap one day, and that book you said you would write one day, and that job you said you would have one day...you will, you will, you will!!