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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

2 months!

Sawyer and I switch off. Either he gets a bath that day or I get a shower. Very rarely do we both get one the same day. I would love to just throw him in with me, but unfortunately I like my water to be scalding hot. My new favorite time of day in our little routine that we have is the evening after Kaleb has left for the night. I don't like the part where Kaleb is gone, though. After my shower or his bath we go into the bedroom and turn on the heater full blast. I put on music and sing and dance for him. He grins at me for hours, and it's my daily exercise. He gets so excited that spit up starts oozing from his mouth.

When Sawyer first arrived I was obsessed with still living a normal life, meaning I wanted to cook full meals and clean full bathrooms and do the laundry then fold it perfectly. I wanted my nails to still be painted. We recently moved to a new place, we had been living at my mom's to ease the transition from Colorado back to Utah. (I miss Grand Junction so much all the time!!) Ever since we have moved and I'm used to being a mom, I have become the opposite of what I was, and maybe too far the other way. There are still boxes piled high and mounds of laundry and hundreds of pretty important things on my serious grown woman to do list. But I mostly ignore it and hang out with my little boy. We take naps and I carry him around our apartment to explore. We look out the window at the blinding snow and I try to explain to him that winter isn't real life and we just have to wait it out until summer. He'll see what he's been missing. We haven't whipped out the stroller one single time since he was born.

The all consuming concept of nursing has gotten so much easier but is still totally hard. Mainly I panic if we go a minute past feeding time because I worry either my supply will dwindle or I will have too much foremilk. I really hate when his poop is leafy green. I feel like it's all my fault. Sawyer rocks at eating though and teaches me how to nurse instead of me teaching him. I turn on the T.V. to get comfortable while I feed him but I end up with my eyes glued to him the entire time to make sure everything is going well. My neck gets pretty sore. I feel very proud and happy that Sawyer is getting breastmilk. There is nothing more precious than how he relies on me to thrive. I used to hate being the sole provider of his nutrition. It made me feel trapped. But now I feel quite important, special and needed. It's a good feeling.

I used to say I hope he comes out bald. I wanted a bald, skinny baby. But now I really wish he had some hair because I'm getting pretty anxious to part it on the side and slick it after his bath.

I thought I would never be that mom who always posts pictures of and won't shut up about their baby. But I'm totally guilty it's just too hard to refrain most days. I'm so happy and thrilled that I just get the urge to show him off. It's also the fact that I am alone with him a lot, so social media is easy to turn to for entertainment. I get excited when other new moms post things about their babies, so I hope it's okay for me to do the same.

I do look forward to warmer days. Where I can take him outside. We'll count all bees in the hive. Chase all the clouds from the sky.

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